Kids Say the Darndest Things

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Children are remarkable. They come up with witty sayings without even trying. Sometimes they say things based on what they know. Other times, it can be to try and make you laugh or just throw your own words back into your face.

Comments can be made in private, public, or just about anywhere. The problem can often be that the vocabulary doesn’t quite keep up with what they are trying to say. Other times, just how they reference things can be inventive but funny as well. Whatever the reason, Kids Say the Darndest Things.

  1. She got out of bed about one minute after she was tucked in last night because she “had a nightmare.” When I said, “I don’t believe you,” she replied, “It was a fast nightmare.”
  2. Dad: Why do you always fight going to bed at night?
    Daughter: Because…
    Dad: Because why?
    Daughter: Because I want Jello!!
  3. A little boy worried about his wrinkly toes after a long bath: “You better take me to the hospital so they can get the wrinkles out.”
  4. “What time are you going to be home? The fourth of never?”
  5. “True story. My father is daddy!”
  6. “I’m as fast as a cheetah.”
  7. A little girl was thinking about the rhyming worksheet she needed to finish. She needed more words to rhyme with either ‘mit’ or ‘fin.’
    Daughter: “Is ‘shit’ a word?”
    Mom: “Yesssss, but it’s not a school word.”
  8. After practically licking her plate clean at a new restaurant and finishing up before the rest of us, I asked her if she liked her food. She said she “loved it,” so I asked her if she’d like to come back to the restaurant. “I never want to eat here again,” she said.
  9. Sister: “I’m going to have five kids. Three girls and two boys.”
    Brother: “I’m going to have five boys and a lot of dogs.”
    Sister: “No you’re not. Your wife is going to have the babies. You have to drive her to the hospital.”
  10. While watching a TV show, I started to laugh at a scene. My daughter responds: “Mommy, that’s not funny. You be nice.”



Want to see your favorite line from your child? Send them to

Special thanks goes out to a couple friends of mine for letting me use their children’s quotes along with a few of my own for this first installment.


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